last day of the year

as introspective & moderately geeky people are prone to do, the end of the year always forces me to sit & take stock of both the last 365 days as well as my life. i can't help it. i've tried to not let myself go there. but i do. it's cathartic. philosophy on the 31st day of december & me?
moth to a flame, people, moth to a flame.

the concept of a new year has always been tied to my birthday (because it's in early january) so i have been dreading the end of 2008 since i first heard there was such a thing as the geriatric age of "30." do you remember being 8 & thinking 30 was something adults made up to scare you into eating your vegetables? "if you don't eat that (disgusting) creamed spinach, you'll be blind & disfigured when you're 30."

well it's a'comin. so i've been pretty grossed out about this 2009 thing for at least a few years now. i DON'T WANT TO BE THIRTY. when i turned 30-minus-1, i told everyone there would be no 3-decades party for this girl. "29's first anniversary" i tried to convince them. wanting to hang on to the last year of my twenties by hook or by crook.

but as i take stock of this past year, in the way only i can...i'm not sad to say goodbye to the last 12 months. i'll try to keep the editorializing to a minimum-but in short, this was probably one of the hardest years of my life. no wait. hands down the most difficult year that i can remember. excruciating in almost every way. (new business setbacks, family, friends, identity crisis(es)...)

every not-great thing had to & needed to happen. (so that i could become the butterfly i am today, 31.december.2008...jajaja.) i would not want to repeat 29 for (almost) any amount of money. thankfully, as milan kundera said "memory does not make films, it makes photographs." so when i am really old, i will only remember the highlights in dreamy soft-focus polaroid magic.

here's to what i know will be the best year of my life. (confidence is key, you know.)